August 23, 2022

Old Lady: All Those Interesting Books: What Do You Do, Young Man ?

It’s What I Do, by Lucas J. Mather

Rich old lady, Orange County Peet’s Coffee, voice shaking, finger wobbling: “All these interesting books. What do you do ?”

Me? I’m a drug dealer.

Lady: hahaha–

Me: [straight face].

Lady: Srsly? [Concerned motherly look].

Me: I’ve been slinging “thought-crack” for 10 years.

Lady: [looking at the books like Gollum looking at that damn ring]. Full time or part-time?

Me: Depends on who you ask. Part-time if you ask a full-timer . Full-time if you ask a part-timer.

Lady: That’s confusing. It should just go by how may hours a week you work.

Me: Oh, well then it’s definitely more than full-time. Full-timers, who work less than I do, would say it’s part-time, because…

Lady : Because they’re the ones actually smoking crack. Real crack , not just your thought-kind.