I’m a Fan of The Socratic Method
By Lucas Mather
Professor, I’m just shocked that you still believe marriage is necessarily a man-woman relationship.
The professor sighed, and said, you’re not shocked at *me*.
I’m not? the student said.
No, you’re shocked at what a definition is.
I am?
You’re shocked at the definition of marriage, the professor said.
But, that excludes the LGBT community, another student said, saying L-G-B-T really-fast-and-squished-together.
No it doesn’t, and it never did.
I don’t even know where to begin right now, like…, another student said.
Try saying ‘like’ less often, for starters, would be my advice on where to begin, the professor suggested, trying to be practically helpful.
Even prisoners can get married, like, I feel…I don’t know, I mean, another student said.
Sure, the professor said. But they can’t have guns, can they?
What’s your point?
Do you believe felons should be able to own guns legally? the professor asked.
I don’t know, what is the law?
The law says no, they can’t, the professor said.
Well then I agree with the law, makes sense to me, I mean, like, the proud student said.
So, whatever the law says is correct, the professor asked.
I mean, on that, sure.
Why on that sure? the professor asked.
I mean, they are FELONS, dude, like there’s no way you get a gun, that student said before adding “like”.
Felons don’t have a right to self-defense? Someone commits a misdimeanor, they have a right to self defense. Someone commits DUI, they have a right to a gun. They could have killed someone. And yet, someone who conspired to commit tax fraud–they have no right to self defense? They’d just be sitting ducks. That’s your view? the professor asked.
[It was silent in the classroom].
In any case, marriage is what it is. And it doesn’t exclude anyone who wants to get married. Prisoners and gays and lesbians all can get married.
Wait, on your view, I thought you said that gays couldn’t get married, a student said.
I never said that and I have never believed that. Rock Hudson wants to get married, he can. And , btw, he did. The professor paused, and then added: Like.
They looked at him, and some kid said, who’s Rock Hudson.
Did you like, the professor said, that I said “like” at the end? See, I fit in well with your generation.
He’s an actor from like the 60s, a student said. He was gay. I didn’t know that he was able to get married.
Sure he was married for a time, the professor said. No one ever asked, while giving the vows, are you gay? No one ever asked me that. It’s never been a criterion, legally, for marriage. One’s sexual orientation.
Oh, so you mean he could marry a woman, the original student said.
Are you assuming Rock Hudson was a man? the professor said.
Well, I just assumed. Was he? I mean…oh shit.
Did you just say, ‘was “he”‘???, the professor asked.
[It was deathly silent].
Yes, he was a man. I remember when people used to know the basic definitions of words. No wonder you’re having such a hard time with marriage. You don’t even know what a man is. Or, you pretend not to, the professor said.
Yeah, so you mean Rock Hudson was married to a person of the opposite sex, that’s what you mean, a student asserted, self-righteously.
It’s like you’re asking if the example of a triangle I just gave had three sides because it was a “three sided triangle.” As if that was only *most* of them. And it’s like I challenge your assumption that a side is a side, and you’re ashamed that you just assumed that a side was a side, more than you’re ashamed that you don’t know the definition of triangle entails all triangles have this property of having 3 sides–not just some examples but not others. And you think *I’m weird* and outdated because I have an old view of triangles, the professor said.
He continued: by the way, I don’t want to make you feel shame about anything. But, as a matter of fact, you guys don’t think very well. That’s what I’m here for, the professor said.
But , a student ventured, somewhat more chastened, that’s our shared view of what a triangle is. We have a shared definition, the student said.
[The professor took this opportunity to get out 12 dictionaries from sturdy bags, piling them up on the professor’s table. Some of them were quite old, and quite thick].
I’m listening, the professor said, smiling.
[The students looked at the pile of dictionaries. The professor picked one up–thick and heavy, and sat down with it on his lap in the professor’s swivel chair. His finger caressed the cover. There was one book marker, about half way through, in all of them].
All of these dictionaries agree with me, the professor finally said. They agree with Prop 8. They are “yes” on Prop 8. All of them.
This was our shared understanding of the word “marriage”, the professor finally said.
Rock Hudson couldn’t marry a man because he was a man, and that’s not what the word meant, a particularly bright, non-politically correct, independently minded student said.
Yes, the professor said. Just like you can’t go ice-skating on something that isn’t ice, with something that isn’t skates. It’s not ice skating then. It’s *something else*.
It’s the same thing, a student said indignantly.
It’s something else, the professor said firmly but gently.
It’s the same thing!, the student said more loudly. This is bigotry.
But it’s not really the same thing, and it’s not bigotry, and everybody knows that, the professor said gently. But, it turns out that most people are sensitive to being called names, so many people just go along to get along. You can manipulate people’s behavior by shaming them to get them to change the definition of anything from “assault weapon” to “baby” to “gender” to “man” to “marriage.” Sure. The Communists proved that. Everywhere they seized power–Leftists–they forced the majority from the top down to talk differently, like them, against tradition. By the millions.
“Hate” was also redefined to mean “disagreement”, as a Leftist political strategy. But these are not the same things, the professor added.
So do you want to revoke all those gay marriages, the original student said.
Marriage is marriage, the professor said.
You mean “traditional marriage” is “marriage”, a student said.
The professor opened the dictionary on his lap at the book marker, in the big heavy book, and pointed to the top of the page, where it was in the “M”s, and said, it’s not under “T.” It’s under “M”. There is no qualifier. It’s just “Marriage.”
[It was silent in the class].
Triangle is under “T”, the professor said. But that’s because it starts with a T. All the words you want to shame people into accepting redefinition of , from Man, to Assault and Weapon and Gender and Hatred , you’d have to add ‘traditional” to each, wouldn’t you? LIke every few years, he said.
Like how I said like, the professor said.
Traditional like, he added.
I have an idea, a student said, not a particularly good student, but one that deeply desired to bring people to gether and to be accepted at parties and such. She said, let’s vote on it. Everybody who thinks the dictionary and the professor are right, raise your hand. [2 people did, both brown skinned. A white handicapped indicated that he too, agreed]. Everybody who is for more inclusion, raise your hand. [Everybody raised their hands briefly].
You lose, the student said, and many students cheered.
So, the majority is always right about the definition of marriage? Is that your view?
[They were too busy laughing to hear the professor say we did vote on it, to say that that was the very thing progressives sued over, but it didn’t bother him, because break was almost over and it was time to get back to the lecture, and he had to take a piss anyway, and frankly, it was about time for warmer on coffee. And all that happened and the professor continued with the lecture].
Originally published to Facebook Friday 22 Feb 2019 at 6:45pm
–
Dr. Lucas J. Mather, Ph.D. is the producer and host of The Republican Professor Podcast.
The Republican Professor Podcast
The Republican Professor Newsletter on Substack
https://therepublicanprofessor.substack.com/
https://www.therepublicanprofessor.com/podcast/
https://www.therepublicanprofessor.com/articles/
YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@TheRepublicanProfessor
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheRepublicanProfessor
Twitter: @RepublicanProf
Instagram: @the_republican_professor
